Recent Events

Recent Events

August 3rd 2010

Just been to Tescos - like a fool I forgot that unless you make sure you arrive at the checkout before midnight, you have to use an SRU - AKA "staff replacement unit" which will beep and get all upset when you move the overflowing bag into the trolley - so you can load another one on the little metal weighbridge. Hateful devices. Even Aldi can be bothered to check my shopping out. I am amazed at how the public are happy to do a supermarket's work for them - it isn't even as if there is a notional discount seeing as though you have allowed them to sack a few more members of staff to increase the bottom line for the shareholders.

Seems so short sighted to irritate customers and make staff redundant for such a (realtively) small saving.

Still as they admit themselves, "Every little helps".

July 24th 2010

Oh my,  45 now - where did the time go?  Anyway, moving on.

I have had some rather good results in making proper tonic water as opposed to most of the mass produced grot that nanny-britain lets us buy. Tradditionally, tonic water came into being as a way of making the rather bitter quinine extract more palatable - and once suitably dilute, became a rather pleasant mixer in its own right. As doubltess one person in zillions has a problem with qunine, it is banned from being added to tonic water in any useful amounts - so in go all the synthetic flavourings we have all come to expect and tolerate. Admittedly when you could buy quinine over the counter, there were some very naughty people who used to have a large amount to induce termination of unwanted children. As a result it is now quite fiddly to get hard of in the UK - interestingly however crochet hooks and nitting needles are still sold openly enough.

time to get back on topic.

Quinine however is not hard to obtain - and if you promise me it is STRICTLY for novelty value only or "for plant food" I will send you a small number of tablets in return for an SAE.

To make 4 litres of very good tonic water:-

2 x 2 litre bottles of carbonated water (supermarket value brand is perfect - as it is basically filtered tap water and nothing added except carbon dioxode)
150 g of sugar
Juice of two medium sized lemons. I prefer to use 3 tablespoons of lemon juice (from a bottle)
1 crushed up 200mg quinine sulphate tablet

Pour about half a litre of the carbonated water into a jug  and bung in the miucrowave for a couple of minutes to get it hot
Add the crushed quinine tablet and stir until all dissolved. If it isn not dissolving easily, either add more water and/or warm it some more
Add the sugar (adjust to taste but 150g makes a typical "dry tonic". Do not use sweetener - save that for a day when you eat lettuce instead of drink proper products.
Add the lemon juice (this IS for tonic water,not bitter lemon, if you leave this out it will taste wrong)
Stir well and then add to the bottles. If you take equally FROM the bottles, you can top them backj up equally and have both bottles the same strength. (or if you have a LARGE jug / bow, empty the whoel lot into it, GENTLY stir (so as not to wadte all the carbon dioxide) and then pour it back into the bottles.

Drink with a decent quality gin in the ratio you usually enjoy.

February 7th 2009

43 - and still learning. Fab.  Well the snow is all about us - the first DECENT snowfall in the area for some 10 years or more, and despite being in my forties, I am just as much of a kid at heart as the ones bunging snowballs all over the shop. So on the basis that this might be the last snow worth having for another 10 years, I ought to have a giggle with it. Now my torn muscle/ligament (don't know which yet) is still being a bit tetchy but it is only when it goes into spasm that I find it difficult to keep standing up. Soooo, time to go and play in the snow.

I knoiw, it wasn't the brighrest move in the book but the logic was unmistakably simple: The injury is not pleasant but it is not as if any further damage is overly likely if I annoy it a bit, it will just twang a shade more.  Combine this simple approach with "but the snow might not be back for another decade" and in my brain, that meant: Go and be a prat and arse about in the snow.

So Jay (mid thirties) and I (early forties) potter off at 01:15 to a field with a good slope and and assortment of things to slide down the slope on. Estate agents boards (cannot condone them being nicked but they ARE rather effective sledges), a paddling pool and various other objects - including a sheep.An inflatable one before you get all moral on me using a real sheep (presumably dead) to go sledging on. Having said that, I suppose I ought to further add "lilo style inflatable" not "cor you lurvely tonight darlin'" inflatable. Hmmm. Where was I ?

Anyway, having slid down the slope about four times, I was finding it difficult to walk as it all kept going into spasm - HOWEVER, once at the top of the hill, it is so tempting to pop down again, who could resist a final "twin effort" with both in the paddling pool. Alas at this point, as we went over the "speed bumps" at the bottom, it ended up with me having to crawl on my knees to some convenient metal railings to hoist myself back up. Then a rather slow and twitchy walk home.  Most annoying, no milk so no tea. Arse.

All safely back home, sitting down now so spasms are no longer an issue with regard to stability and I did at least enjoy a few slides down a field in the snow.

I 'll grow up one day I expect, but hopefully only a few hours before they nail the lid down.

February 3rd 2009

I learned today that if you twist in a weird way and zap your back to the point it feels like someone has just inserted a knife in it, it is NOT a good idea to go for a bike ride in the hope that it will make it all work properly again. I then also learned that having got back home and tottered about like an old woman that it wuld have been sensible to lie down or at least sit down. Preparing dinner and then twisting again until whatever happened the first time happened a second time was a remarkably bad move. Still the next day (now) I am once again able to walk and potter about providing I try hard not to avoid jerky movements. Thankfully wanking is not affected :)

December 2008

Well poke me with a blunt stick, I just realised it is over two years since I wrote anything on this page. Bit of a nuaghty title I guess all things considered. So what has happened in the last couple of years - anything of interest I wonder. Well I have bought a local property with a friend - we are going to try and make some above-average accomodation for folks with special needs. Sort of a mixture of "doing something right" and "hopefully earning an honest bob or two as well". Concrete walls in this house "Gregory Build" apprently - makes it really horrible to put channels in walls (for power cables etc).

Still waiting for my red car to be returned, not quite sure what is going on, but I think sadly it might be time to involve the police. I gave it to someone who IS notorious for taking months to work on a car - but even so, it is now 6 months since he took it - and all I ever get is "next week", "soon", or "minor problem but all sorted now". Problem is if I *DO* go to the police, I suispect I will get my car back - along with grinding paste in the oil etc. Real balls ache.

Blue car is running well though - but at 8-14mpg, it would be nice to have red car for the longer runs.

Odd feeling today, not a bad one, just an odd one. Sort of "waiting for something to happen but I don't know what". Curious and a little disconcerting.

July 26th - 2006

Words of warning - IMMINENT legislation changes : -  Our incumbent thieving bastards at number 10 & number 11 have *just* approved some frightening new bits of legislation  - if you have a bank account or savings account you let "tick over", you REALLY need to read this. Likewise if you own a house that is presently empty (inheritance perhaps) then also, READ on.

As far as the account is concerned, Brown & Blair have decided that if your bank account is dormant, it means the money is "unclaimed" - and therefore the government will have it. The amount of time the account needs to be dormant before they are entitled to YOUR money?  30 years?  20 Years?  Surely at least 10 Years.


Yup, feel free to re-read that - and then have a word with your bank / accountant if you think I am mistaken or making this up. If you have no activity going on in a regular bank / savings account for three years, be prepared to lose it. The only hint of good news here is that just transferring a pound in or out of the account is enough to keep it safe from the governments hands. If you have several accounts etc, it might be worth setting of a standing order of £1 to be paid once per year to any accounts you (or family) might have.

Property unoccupied for more than 6 months? Well the council can now seize it INCLUDING ALL CONTENTS for periods of up to seven years. You have NO rights to stop this with the exception of if you are an MP or in the armed forces away from home.  If someone dies and you inherit the house, you have six months from their death to sell the house or get people living in it - if you fail, you stand to lose the house. Have I explained that simply enough?   Empty for 6 months = bye bye house & contents.

Think I have lost the plot? Think I might be wrong?  Talk with a property specialist or even your local council's housing department chief officer.

I agree that the conservatives are as corrupt as all hell, the green party are idealistic nutcases and since Charley left the Lib Dems, they not only cannot run a piss-up in a brewery, they are not even sure what one looks like. HOWEVER, none of those parties are *quite* as power crazed now as the thieving vulturous bastards in power at the moment. If ever a government has launched two ways to stir up phenomenal hatred of "the system", emptying people's bank accounts and taking their property have to be the clear winners. It's the sort of legislation that will make anarchsists out of even nice people like me.

June 14th - 2006

Always wondered how well it would work, now I know. Yes you can do a VERY large load of washing in a cement mixer - just make sure it is clean (the mixer, not the clothes) and cover the paddles to stop it snagging the clothes. Very good washing action - better than the proper machine in fact. No spin though which is a pity. Nonethless, washing queen sized duvets is no longer a ballsache.

May 5th - 2006

Today has been fun, made some ultra fresh, ultra healthy (well "ish") ice-cream on the spur of the moment armed only with a small bottle of vanilla extract, some low-calorie sweetener and a load of "Elmlea single lite". Oh, and a fire extinguisher. That bit's quite important.

1. Pour cream into bowl
2. Add some vanilla extract and the sweetener - stir until you get bored (5 seconds)
3. Make sure the fire extinguisher is spare, CO2 and has a clean "horn". Fill horn with a tight "wadge" of clean kitchen roll / clean t-towel etc
4. Press horn against carpet, depress lever for a few seconds
5. Remove wadge of kitchen roll AND the dry ice lump behind it
6. Add dry ice to bowl, stir and admire the frothing bubbly gloop
7. Keep stirring until the dry-ice has gone and you have fairly solid ice cream
8. Eat minimally fizzy, ultra fresh ice-cream (only fizzy at first, just wait 5 mins if you prefer your ice cream "flat")

Using liquid nitrogen is a little easier but I still haven't bough a dewar to store it in and hospitals are funny about giving it to you in thermos flasks these days, those nasty HSE people spoil all the fun - used to be such fun at picnics and BBQ's :(

April 13th - 2006

Just a snippet of news for Red Dwarf fans. The plans to make a movie are still VERY much active and a new funding method is being considered (basically they don't have the dosh to do the movie at the moment). So, fingers crossed, it might still happen. If the movie works well, a possible 9th series (or more??) may even be possible.

April 10th - 2006 - Trying to see things in perspective

Who do you think is most likely to put you in the grave prematurely? A terrorist? Or a doctor? Taking a fairly wide view of things and picking nice round figures, it seems you might be around 10,000 times more likely to be done to death by a licensed medical professional than by a guy with a towel on his head.

There are a number of different estimates, these figures are for World, not for UK

- about 2.2 million people each year have adverse in-hospital drug reactions
- about 20 million doses of antibiotics prescribed for viral infections, again which they are useless
- the number of medical and surgical procedures judged to be unnecessary is estimated at 7.5 million per year
- about 8.9 million people go to the hospital unnecessarily
- the number of people who die as a result of botched medical intervention is estimated to be in excess of one million a year

The number of people killed by terrorists (except events like 911) are usually a half dozen here, a dozen there. Terrible of course, but the chances of you being killed by a botched medical job WAY WAY WAY exceed all the terrorist threats in the world put together. Yet many folks will happily undergo non-essential surgery - whilst being scared shitless of a bomb threat on the underground. Why? The terrorist gives far better odds of survival.........

April 2nd - 2006

A reflective moment. If you hear someone refer to the "wireless", when they are talking about a radio - there is a natural tendency to look for furry slippers, a cloth cap and a recurring earwax problem. Yet if you use the identical word to refer to a fast way of PC networking without cables, there is not a hint of taupe to be seen, nor that faintly amoniacal smell so often in attendance.   I mention this purely for your further contemplation.

March 21st -  2006

Pottering along :)

August 23rd - 2005

When I was but a little-un, I remember staying with the family in an hotel just before leaving for holiday the next morning. Excited as I was I remember being unable to sleep - and turned on the television in the room where my sister (asleep) and I were. There was this very strange film - which was not in English (despite still being in England at this point) - fortunately this was one of those "mini films" which has very little dialogue and "Allo?" is pretty easy to translate.

Anyway, this little film was about a guy who walks into a telephone box, tries to make a call but the telephone is not working - as he tries to leave the box, he finds the door has shut fast - an no amount of force will release it. Ultimately after unsuccessful attempts from members of the public, four men arrive from the telephone company, lift the box with the guy still inside and drive off. En route to where they are going, the man in the box sees another telephone box on a truck - also with a trapped occupant. The end of the film is a bit surreal to say the least - and I will not divulge now in case you wish to find this and view it.  

I finally found the name of the film - it is "La Cabina", a film by Antonio Mercero and if you hunt about a bit, it is available for download from the Web - not sure if this is one of these "public domain mini films" or if downloading it is an act of extreme naughtyness and the Baby Jesus will give you a hard slap when you pop your clogs. Either way, it can be found fairly easily on torrent sites and doubtless other file places too.

August 22nd - 2005

Having had a little chat with a friend about Mediums - are they all genuine (no) are they all fakes or are there some of both, I popped up a quick page called Coldread - short for "cold reading" which is where you can apear to give a reading to someone without knowing ANYTHING about them at all. There is no skill required - other than to deliver the patter in an earnest way - and yet is more than enough to voncince many people you "have the gift". This page is very much a work in progress so pleasse excuse any typos or formatting errors, just have a little look if the fancy so takes you. Better still, read it and then try it out on someone :) Lots of fun. The page can be found here.

May 9th - 2005

Oops! there I go again, losing a few months between updates. so what has happened? Quite a bit really which I might get around to filling in soon. By today my car had its reverse gear put right again (and overdrive). Automatic transmission which had oil blacker than a dark thing finally fave up the ghost after dragging the old girl for about 134,000 miles. Now have a "new" box which has only done about 70,000. Oil a nice cherry red and, curious things abound, it seems as though the revs are lower now in overdrive. It used to be doing about 80 at 3000 RPM, now it does almost 90 at the same RPM. Most odd.

Also the 11th May is the deadline for my speeding ticket, if the nasty little bastards hiding in their *unmarked* green van don't post me a ticket by then, apparently they are shit out of luck when it comes to enforcing it. Hurrah.

Bought a shed - metal one, almost finished now but one of these irritating things basically fairly well designed and put together but they then cut corners by printing a manual in about 5 different languages - and skimping on  clear instructions to save paper! Naughty shed people.

Anyway, I will write more very soon but having just arrived home from having the car fixed, I am tired - have now been up for about 40 hours with only two hours doze. check back if you fancy in a day or three :)

November 27th - 2004

Curious! One thing that MSN users, gaydar users and yahoo user ALL share is seemingly a total inability to read profiles and then understand them. My profile ALL link back to my personal web page which kind of spells out pretty clearly what floats my boat - and what doesn't. So what's with this "ASL?" crap that people keep greeting me with? Or the "I know I'm outside your age range, don't have a face pic, body isn't your type and I live the other side of Onga, but I really fancy you". Well thanks, that's really sweet of you to say so, now bugger off and irritate someone else please. Oh yes, and while we're on, I have some friends who cross-dress and they're great folks - but I am NOT interested in bonking a guy wearing frilly bits. I know this is mentioned elsewhere but some folks reckon because they are going to plonk a dress on, it magically changes all my prerferences. it doesn't. As a general rule I try to be quite amiable with RTFP guys but there are times when I really can't be arsed to do anything other than close the chat window. Rant over and now feeling quite chilled out and mellow once again.

November 12th

Wow. I am not really a "nightclubby" person, not being overly adept at dancing and frankly preferring to lick piss off a nettle than listen to most modern music, they really don't do much for me. HOWEVER I found (was taken to) a club which is a bit different to all that. It's discreetly plonked in the back and beyond near Coventry and runs on Friday evenings. The main attraction is not music (not even sure if any was played for the first hour or two) or some "wannabe" DJ showing how he can make a bad tune sound even worse. The main interest there are the folks, what they are wearing (or not) and what they are doing. If your idea of erotica is a grope with the lights out, skip the rest of this entry, it will raise your blood pressure - or hangup levels - to new heights.

Some folks wearing mini skirts, some wearing PVC, rubber or latex dresses - some of the women were wearing these things too :) Some folks in leather, some in PVC, some in suits, some wearing very little and one or two wearing nothing but a smile. All sorts of activities were going on with very few limits (other than safety) to stick too. Cages, dark rooms, suspension beams, benches, spanking tables. Having been screwed quite royally by the legal system recently there was a degree of pleasure in watching a solicitor being flogged - even if she was enjoying it at the time.

I am not saying that I would engage in everything I saw (shag, I used to turn a wonderful shade of red if I thought my top button might have come undone - you are reading a page written by a guy who has been known in his youth to go to the beach in a three piece suit) - but it was incredibly refreshing just watching people enjoying themselves openly even if, in the vanilla world, folks would think them sick / perverted / <insert favourite word of ignorance here> for wanting to do anything other than missionary (with the guy on top of course).

Guy on top?  Hell I wasn't sure sometimes who was male and who was female let alone who was on top at that moment - but they were sure having a great time. In any case, there was one person there who, courtesy of a little creative "nip and tuck" was fully equipped as BOTH. Quite a mind-fuck to see that - but a mind-fuck in a good way. In actual fact there was very little "sex" going on but a huge amount of very sensual play. Some little more than stroking with fur-tipped floggers, some as "extreme as" needle play - and if you have to ask what that is, you really don't want to know.

Some new lads (like me) arrived towards the end of the evening and after they had picked their jaws off the floor and managed to pop their eyes back into their sockets, had a play with a violet wand. This device is an electrical toy which passes very high voltage electricity through a variety of implements to the skin. Arcs of an inch or so are not uncommon. Yet instead of extreme pain and discomfort, the feeling is more like an intense "pricking / tickling" sensation (more like loads of static shocks than anything else). I have had a little play on one of these things before - great fun. The lads seemed to think so too. I have a feeling that they too, will be back.

I came away thinking I had just glimpsed (if you can call 7 hours a glimpse) a secret world which probably happens up and down the country all over the World - and yet so few people even know it exists. Sadly because in this Country especially the ignorant "If I don't like it, it must be wrong" attitude still exists with many people, not least those who like to pass laws. Curious, if I play Rugby (like yeah, that's gonna happen, NOT) and someone breaks my nose/arm/leg even in a "dodgy tackle", it is LEGAL, if  however someone gives consent to have their arse/whatever whacked with a paddle and it leaves a mark that lasts a few hours, they can be imprisoned for aiding and abetting an assault (against themselves!). Figure the logic of that one out. If done in a "dirty" rugby tackle, legal, if done with consent in a sensual play session - imprisonable.

Queen Victoria really ought to have been more open minded - especially as she herself preferred "comfortable shoes".

Huge thanks to two great friends A & R for taking me there, making me feel "safe" and introducing me to some of the most open minded and easy going folks I have ever met. Looking forward to going back soon - who knows where it may lead.  ;)

November 2th

Well I had been told about this product called "Magic" which is a non-foul smelling hair remover. I have very little hair on my back but still dislike what little there is. Arms / legs chest I can live with, any hair at all on the back thought is just plain nasty. Normally I just zip the razor around, trying hard not to lacerate myself in the process, something I usually manage to avoid for the most part - but it is very difficult holding the razor at the right angle around the shoulder blades. So, a friend said "use magic". Bless 'em!

This was the first time I had tried this stuff (designed to stop black guys getting razor bumps when shaving tightly curled facial hair) - and the bumf says after about 7 minutes, remove with a small plastic scraper. Hmm, I didn't have one. Having found my "Tesco Loyalty Card" however I figured this would do the job just fine and in, a fashion, it did. I also applied a bit elsewhere so I could check the effect of the stuff and also make sure the scraper was man enough for the job. It was!

The problem was that when you cannot see your hand / scraping card, it is very easy to scrape at the wrong angle - so instead of moving the card with the whole front edge of the card in the direction of travel, it must have kept going skewed - seriously so. As I was also using a fair amount of effort to makes ure I removed said hairs, it resulted in me suddenly noticing that my back was getting a little bit tender in the shower, glanced in the mirror and you would be hard pushed to get a better impersonation of a fairly heavy whipping from a singletail!   Very vivid marks varying in length from about an inch to about eight inches. Whoops!

Now, about 48 hours later, things have faded down from blood-red to pinky-red but the welts are very prominent still. You can feel them quite easily through a T-shirt.

Not an ideal state of affairs, need to keep remembering not to open the door to visiting friends if I am less than fully dressed (which is rare if they call AM rather than PM!)) but it is quite fascinating how easily a farting little bit of credit-card sized plastic (with smooth rounded edges!) can cause such a vivid effect - and it has to be said with essentially no discomfort at the time of hair removal! I have now been told that a loofah works just as well and doesn't leave your back heavily welted - and bleeding (albeit only very slightly).

Update:- It is now the 5th of November and the marks are STILL here. Normally I heal extremely fast if I catch myself on something or fall arse-over-tit down an escalator (Glasgow Station). These marks are persistent little buggers though. No infection evident but welts still detectable through a shirt. It seems that some of the "Magic" hair remover might have been squidged into the scrapes and have turned into tiny-scale chemical burns - albeit not painful ones. Fascinating really in an odd sort of way. Looks waaaaay more dramatic than it feels but I'm getting bored of it now so hopefully they will start to bugger off. I'll buy a loofah I think.

September 9th

Car sprang a leak on the pressurized air side of the turbo - no split hose to be found. Ended up finding a way to locate leak which is simple and fairly quick to do. Remove hose from the inlet and light a fag, blow smoke into pipes. After a few exhalations you will see smoke puthering out of hole!  Hole was on the bottom of a flexible coupling, felt ok with a quick grope but when removed, could see a split. Not too hard to sort out then.  Had a friend pop over, pottered off for a quiet drink and a meal, then skipped to hotel for tea and coffee. A very pleasant day all told really. Supposed to be going to Scotland today though but as only just fixed car, this has messed up plans a bit. not have to decided if I should leave it until a little later in the month. Who knows.

September 1st

Lugging empty gas cylinders on your own is bad enough, humping full ones in and out of the car is an utter pig. However, I now have my gas supply restored, the car has had the boost-cut defeated, nitrtous refilled and it is providing lots of fun. Still desperately trying to find someone who can strengthen Toyota automatic transmissions. Mine is only rated for about 400bhp max and we went a smidgen past that limit a little while back. Would like it strengthened so I can play a little more with larger gas jets and a slightly more enthusiastic turbo. However I suspect the only solution is going to be to save the pennies and buy a different car :(  Not good.  Still should be plenty of fun left in this one until then. Friend (Betty) in hospital after falling out of bed, she seems to be doing well (though her knee took one helluva whallop). Got her all excited today when I found that the alcohol scrub in the end of each bed is 70% by VOL (shag knows what proof that is), has a splodge of other bits in but tastes ok, so she can now mix it with her lucozade for a little lift before bedtime.

August 28th - give or take a bit.

A new page has been added, Arcade Games Online, in a globule, it will allow you to play old 80's style arcade games, space Invaders, Pac Man, Tetris and lots of others. If you have your security settings tighter than a ducks bottom, you might need to give the "ok" before your machine will let you run them. For some strange reason, one of my favourites, Donkey Kong does not work properly with all PC's. Still trying to get it fixed.  In general, the cursor keys control play and the space button is usually "fire". Anyway, have a little play if the fancy takes you. Also plonked a funny little poem on the humour page - it's just after the bit about the Gerbil.

August 24th

Well this last week has been an interesting week, went over to see a friend the other side of Bedford (which has the most foul road system ever devised) and when I eventually extricated myself from Bedford, an enjoyable time was had. Alas curtailed somewhat as the people who had zipped off on holiday telephoned to say they were changing their mind and coming back to the house! Pity, was planning to spend the night and get up to all sorts of mischief with my friend - not that we didn't anyway. Quite a pleasingly naughty time one way and another. So, after the telephone call, we curtailed our carnal delights, had some food and then I returned (via the A1 this time) back to Wellingborough. A flashing answerphone suggested prodding the tit was in order, duly prodded, it seemed that Jay had decided to do a spot of DIY maxilla-facial work and had attempted to remove a plate in his jaw himself as it was annoying him. In fairness, it needs to be pointed out that this plate had almost removed itself from him already - but was tenaciously hanging in there with one remaining titanium screw. Jay decides in his wisdom, that removing the last screw by means of tying the plate to a door and kicking the latter is the best way forward. Two failed attempts later he decided that a visit to A&E was required.

A&E had a look, a bit of a prod and then suggest turning up at the MaxFax clinic the following day. X-ray taken, confirmed it would be a 5 minute operation to just nick the gum, undo the screw, remove plate and insert a couple of stitches. At this point it too about 15 minutes to arrange an appointment nearly two weeks ago for a five minute operation. Go figure that one if you can. Meanwhile, he is back on liquidized food. Yum.

Last time he had his jaw sorted out he ended up with a mouth that was as swollen as Rosanne Barr at an all-you-can-eat pizza parlour. Hopefully this time around, they will not leave bone fragments and lose screws in there. If you are overseas and reading this, do NOT believe the nonsense you might have heard about the British NHS being the best in medical care worldwide. It isn't. NHS Hospitals are dirty, understaffed, hopelessly outdated and frankly, provide a third rate service - the obvious consequence of having a SINGLE doctor on double-shift trying to do EVERYTHING in an A&E ward at night.  This is not the fault of the doctors or nurses in fairness, but instead of having a "Matron" to run the hospital, we use "pen pushers" to employ nitwits to work out how to cut corners and line their own pockets. Once you have paid lots of suits to sit in air-conditioned offices filing in little bits of paper there isn't much money left to pay people who actually do something useful.

In the UK we are currently having gigantic increases in sexually transmitted infections. Why? simple, if you phone for a GU appointment in Northampton, you can wait a FEW WEEKS before being seen. Needless to say, a lot of people carry on having sex in the meantime.

I'm ranting again. Sorry. It's been one of those weeks.

August 7th

An interesting weekend so far, hopefully found a brickie who can come and do the work I need doing (hurrah). Also managed to realize why my car alarm had triggered, a section of line from the nitrous oxide bottle had ruptured (bottle pressure had been well over 1100 psi) and I am guessing that having 11 LBS of nitrous oxide emptying into the car within about 20 seconds might just do something to the ultrasonic detectors. It also meant I have just lost a whole bottle full of gas. Which, put bluntly is a bit of a bugger. Pics or pipe blow-out can be seen here.  <popped pipe>

In an effort to stop people using unsafe material like bamboo and rattan canes for "curious purposes" I finally managed to find a way of supplying 1 metre long synthetic canes at a sensible price. Nylon 6 and nylon 66 seem very good materials, Delrin seem very dense as well as being virtually unbreakable - but polyester shattered when I tested it for safety, so have removed that of the list of things I can supply. The idea is not to promote people whacking each other with sticks, but if they ARE going to do it, it is best if they use a material that cannot shatter (unlike bamboo) and can be easily cleaned and disinfected (unlike bamboo or rattan).

It seems that the person mentioned later on who went to prison - only for a few days - had started to sort his life out but has now started buggering up again. Out of work again (though apparently trying to get back in), and if his sister is right, is back on chemicals again. Hopefully she is wrong. He seemed ok when he came around here a week or so back - but then he does have a knack of fucking himself over at every opportunity. Pity really.

Well a few friends have said they will come by and "give me a hand" sort some things out that I need help with -  A little disappointing but actually quite funny that, some six weeks further down the line, they are all either still  <ill / busy / in meetings / with children / on holiday / having shags / insert other excuse> to actually do anything other than tell me their woes. One exception is a friend in Scotland who has already said he will come down again if need be - but I refused on the basis that a 1100 mile round trip is a bit of a PITA at the best of times.  I might be a counsellor but just once in a while it would be nice for some folks to realise I am not totally immune to my own "stuff" too. Ah well. Moan over! :)

Other than that, this weekend has been uneventful and bloody hot. Refilled some of the storage batteries in the house (for the UPS gear), ooops! I think if you can put OVER a gallon of distilled water in each one, it might be a plan for me to check levels a bit more often. Also need to sort out the trickle charges, seems to be cooking the batteries rather than keeping them topped up. Still it all keeps working.

Tesco's keep running out of coronation chicken which is a bit of a bugger

had another 3am+ visitor for the massage parlour, does not seem able to read the sign in the window OR the sign above the doorbell. Even if this WAS the massage parlour, the girls go home at about 7pm, I think even in London most parlours have long since shut-up-shop by that time. Still, when the balls are full, I suppose they will try, bless 'em.

August 1st 2004

The website has spawned a new page, Little Stories, only a few of them, but some are quite thought provoking. In fact if you can read the first and last without feeling something inside you, then you and I are very different people.

June 23rd 2004 - Showdown time.

Well, I suspect by now you must be a bit sick of reading these entries - all miserable and gloomy - it's not like me really, it's just that when things are pottering along fine I tend to be too busy having fun to sit down and type away at length.

Today was the culmination of two years legal action (civil not criminal) against me. I lost. Not wholly unexpected, but then I am a cynic when it comes to the concept of justice. I always maintained that the job of the judge is to decide which side has the best legal team. My views haven't really changed. In fairness my barrister was great, my solicitors were "enthusiastic but not ever-so diligent". Anyone that tells you "if you tell the truth it'll be alright in the end" is misleading you. At best you might get lucky, usually though, by the time the truth has been distorted and used against you, you really do not have too much idea what actually *did* happen several years ago. Grudging credit to the oppositions legal team. A little dissapointment that the judge failed to see the truth but, as I said, no real surprise. Just a bit dissapointed that my cynicism was entriely appropriate. It's odd really, it was one of the opposition that actually intimidated a witness (interviewing her children in her absense to try and get information about her / me) but despite me telling my solicitors this, it never quite made it to court. On the other hand, if I farted and didn't say "pardon" it seemed the opposition had it documented and date-stamped :)

The opposition even managed to convince the judge that two of D's closest friends "didn't really know her at all" because they did not know her financial position in great detail. Worse, they were portrayed as "my friends", rather than D's - when in fact they WERE D's - and I used to "bump" into them a few times a month in town.

My barrister has already told me - twice now - that I might consider legal action against my own solicitors. Problem is, after I have been cleaned out over the last farce, I really do not think I can withstand the challenge of taking a law firm to court!! And, in any case, my solicitor basically "did her best", but was in out of her depth. I guess if I persued this, she would get more grief, I would quite possibly lose again (I suspect they have access to better lawyers than I could find), so what would the outcome be - other than another £10-20K down the pan?

So, no, I don't truly believe there IS any real justice to be had, it is, I think, as I always maintained, "who has the best legal team and can distort / contort the truth enough for a judge to fall for it". At one point, in the summing up, the opposition actually managed to get away with several total mistruths - lies - however as we had already had "our say", apparently we were not even able to say "Hang on your honour, he's bullshitting you".

My single consolation is the fact that ** I ** know what happened, D's friends know what happened and that I guess is of some value. I might not have won, but my conscience is clear even if my name isn't.

Shit Week (Oct 10th - 2003)

Not a great week, in fact singularly shit really all things considered. Gran "Buzz", Mum's Mum died last week, wonderful lady, a tiny lady with an absolutely massive heart. She reached her eighties but then a combination of lung infections, combined with other illness meant she finally decided to call it a day. For her, it was perhaps a relief, no more illness. For us left behind it has left a big void. Time will take most of the hurt away it's true but right now, things are not great.

To add to the general shittyness, a friend has just been jailed for non-payment of fine. I could have bailed him out but as he is back on "the gear", pissing about in cars and ripping his sister and I off (again), I decided that he can sort his own mess out for once. I doubt he will learn his lesson but at least he can de-tox for a few days. The sad part is he says often (and I think he is genuine) that I am one of his closest friends, if you do this to a close friend, how low must things have got? To have bailed him out would have been the easy way forward - but then he would have just carried on getting deeper in the mire than ever - like he has done every other time someone (usually me or his sister) helps him out. Bit of a wake-up call for me too, I actually thought he was trying to sort himself out - and he still might, but with some of his other "friends" just encouraging him to get off his face on borrowed money, I can't say I hold out much hope at the moment.

Perhaps a couple of weeks inside might give him time to reflect on what he needs to do with his life. If he pays back his sister and me, I'll believe he is serious about trying to make amends. If not, then I guess at least she and I will know where we stand.

One of these people who have to do EVERYTHING "their own way". That's great if it works, but in his case - and with his "friends" taking advantage of his gullibility, it just means he fucks everything up all over again before whining about how hard he tried. If it sounds like I have given up on him as a friend, you are not far wrong, unless he actually makes an effort for once to sort things out, then I think his version of friendship is one I cannot handle anymore. Too much bullshit, lies, theft and selfishness. If there isn't even trust, what is left? Pity?

I still love him dearly - as I would a wayward brother or son - but love and friendship are not always in the same package.

Hopefully he will do some thinking inside, identify what he wants to do and then have the courage and strength to do it properly. As always the door is left open, but the gap is starting to close now.

October 1st (2003 in case you are losing track)

Well things progress slowly, the kitchen is semi-functional with cupbards a temporary sink and other such things. The car is happy with the recent high temperatures (increase bottle pressure, so nitrous oxide works better), the new dpss laser should arrive tomorrow and things are generally good. Still could do with a little gratuitous fun, but we can't have everything. Not lots more to add really at this point. If you fancy dropping me a line and telling me what you have been upto, then it would be good to hear from you.

August 30th - and a bit of history over the last few weeks.

Ooops. Missed a spot of updating I think. Still what's a couple of months between friends. So what's been happening? To me directly, not much, the ongoing sage with the vultures continues as usual, the car keeps running and all is rosy in the garden. Well, ok, the garden is a shite-hole from hell, but I'm sure you can get the gist of what I meant. Ongoing things with friends have been a little more eventful, close friend's girlfriend (we'll call her Flora as she's cheap, tasteless, spreads easily and most people have tried her) is up to her favourite trick of using the children as a tool to be vindictive and spiteful. Ended up running off with my friends Cousin. Charming huh. On a positive note, we took a week or so away from all the crap and popped over to Crete, had some fun at Europe's largest water park and generally relaxed and unwound.

Still not been able to find a local supply of N20, so have decided to get a cylinder or two and offer refills myself. At £4.50 LB it should help to cover the cost of collecting cylinders (round trip of 140 odd miles) and the cylinder rental. Still all worth it if it means I don't need to keep nipping up to Solihull everytime my juices are running low. Eurgh. That was a bit crass really wasn't it? Still, I'm feeling in a crass mood today. quite happy you understand but still a bit crass. Quite "council" if you will. I have lost my first Stone, Tesco's have lost the finest cream cake customer and my wardrobe is already full of baggy items. right now I could kill for something sweet. Visions of cream buns haunt me, Pavlova's float into my twilight states of consciousness. All because some ballerina (Anna Pavlova) impressed some old queen in the kitchen and he burnt some bits of egg in her honour. Bless.

One stone gone, three to go. Bugger.

Business is pottering along ok, the new switch (a telephone platform thingy with lots of bits that look as though they should beep but don't) is about to be installed in Manchester and we can then expand our little wankline emporium. Hopefully trialling a couple of new services too, pre-paid calling cards, promotional calling cards - and a pervy project which I can't really bore you with at the moment. We are still only a little business but growth continues (as do our wretched advertising costs), and we now churn about 35,000 minute per month on premium rate. Once we have paid for the new switch, software and co-location charges, there might even be enough to buy my a low-fat cream cake.

Still trying to motivate myself to finish the new Rife machine, it's sitting here underneath the keyboard, a 3U rack mount case filled with transformers, relays, power transistors, signal generator, filters and even a little single-card PC. About five hours work needed to finish it (plus programming). Just cannot quite get in the mood to do it. Need to find a way to incentivise myself.

Well enough of my wafflings, if you are still reading this, suggest you bung me an e-mail and say hello (unless you have already bunged me one and we have said "good-bye") Time to go and eat some non-fat, non-cholesterol, non anythinged piece of unflavoured crap, pretend it's food and then have a thoroughly good wank to make up for it. Seeya.

June 16th

Daphne died a year ago.

June 10th

Odd isn't it. In the middle of the Midlands and too far out of the way for Energas or Linde Gas to want to deliver to me. Bit of a pain, now means I have to try and lump a 6' cylinder into the back of the car if I want to have my own supply of N20. bit of a pain really but there you go, at least it will be oodles cheaper than paying about £4 a LB for it in Birmingham. Should get about 8 refills before I need to haul the cylinder back again for a re-fill. Hoping to get an interesting laser system from the States, I plonked a bid on Ebay and was outbid - but the high bidder has so far failed to pay. With luck I might just end up with it. At 100mW DPSS, it is bright enough to do some quite dramatic indoors shows and if there is a bit of mist in the air, enough in theory to do something outside too. a 100mW DPSS laser has about the same Oomph as a 0.5W argon. Half a watt sounds disgracefully dim to most people, but when you realize that the laserium in London only uses a 1 watt laser (or used to) for most of its effects you get to realize that there is a difference between 1 watt of PURE light and a watt of mostly heat and a tiddly bit of light like household light bulb).

If there are any typos on this page (quite likely) please excuse me, I haven't had time to update the site for a while and now I want to upload it before I toddle off out for the evening. I'll spell check it another day :)

June 06th 2003

Not lots to say really, just thought I ought to bung another entry up here before everyone thinks I've completely forgotten about it. Still trying to locate a new laser, I'm trying to get my hands on an RGB unit which can then be used to project images in any colour. Class IV laser is a bit overkill for the bedroom but with gas lasers you can turn them right down when you need to. Also possible I'll just manage to find a dinky one that will do the job anyway.

I've been playing around with projecting 2D images onto 3D surfaces. you can get some quite spooky effects when you project - for example - a sinister face onto a plaster / polystyrene bust. *Almost* makes it look like a real head.

Still not finished off the Rife machine or wiring the lighting rig in the bedroom but I'll get there once I can find a spot of motivation. It's the kitchen I'm stuck with at the moment. the person who was doing it is now trying for about the 49th time (and that's NOT an unreasonable estimate) to make a go of things with his ex / current / part time girlfriend for the sake of the kids, hopefully for their sake either it will work this time or they will decide they have tried way too many times already and let the kids get used to dad seeing them a few times a week rather than living there one week and then leaving them the next. Who knows. I don't -  but I could make a bloody good guess.

Thinking of buggering off for a bit really. find someone to "sit the house", possibly sell the car and then run the business from the internet (quite feasible). Once I have that sorted I can piss of to Sri-Lanka to see a friend for a few weeks (help with some projects) then on to a friend in Australia and then another in New Zealand. All told could probably keep myself amused away from Wellingborugh for a season or two. Not much keeping me here at the moment, so long as a certain friend has access to the house if he needs it, I see no flaws. Besides I haven't been to any of these three places yet and it's time to have a look-see.

Now that WAS fun - March 23rd give or take a day

Just popped upto Solihull to get a new bottle of gas for the car and to have the jets upgraded. Hmm, makes quite a difference. Had myself and a friend in the car, full fuel tank and a low initial gas hit and managed to get a 0-60 of 5.25 seconds. Nicely under 5 seconds with just me in it, not bad for an automatic is it?

Oodles of fun, in fact it even gave me a stiffy. Bad news is that my local agent isn't local anymore, so unless I want a 250 miles round trip to get gas, it's time to have those awfully nice BOC / Linde people bring me a cylinder so I can do my own refills.  

Poke Me with a sharp stick - March 2003

Oh dear. I know, I know, I need to do some updating once every now and again. Had some minor hassles with PC and then NTL went and scrod (past pluperf of screwed?) my broadband connection when they messed up the Direct Debit. Actually if I'm honest, that last bit is a pretty crap excuse - on account of that being an inconvenience with a duration of around 3 hours and my lack of updates being around 5 months. Still it was worth a try. I'll have to start thinking of new bits to tell you about now.

Better than sex. Possibly - Oct 04th

Still cannot get over how much fun having a boosted car is, just fitted a Mongoose exhaust (makes turbo spool up faster and helps engine develop more power) and a few other little adjustments here and then to make sure things are all happy in carland.

No other update really, too busy having fun - deal with it! :)

Having Fun - August 21st

Bit frightening really - me being such a quiet lad - I finally decided to have nitrous oxide fitted to the car. Getting the insurance proved tricky but in the end, a £250 increase in premium and the job was done. It does NOT make your car work like the ones on the "Fast and the Furious", but it does mean that you get thrown into your seat if you hit the pedal down hard. Masses of fun, only bad bit is that if you are not after an increase in top speed (I'm not) then you can only feel the buzz for a few seconds until you are at Motorway speed. Going to play at Santapod when they do their next "Run Wot You Brung" day. In short, you pay about £10 on top of your entrance ticket and then you get to go on the track a few times to test the performance. In a way it is a bit daft, I quite happily went through my teens and twenties with relatively modestly powered cars but now I seem to have got the need for something a bit nippier. Definately NOT wanting the boy racer image though, hence stripping the car of it's turbo badges, only fitting a new exhaust that improves performance AND keeps the noise down. Oh yes, no glowing lights under the car either, no "extra loud" BOV / dump valves, no furry dice. Just a nice looking car that quietly outperforms cars like the Lotus Esprit Turbo.

On a more practical level, the kitchen has been graced with a new window, about to use floor levelling compound to give a nice flat surface. Also waiting to move the back door. Waiting to do it still as neither I, nor Jay (friend and builder) like trying to recess hinges into hard wood. Other than that, family and friends are in good health, business is doing quite nicely and other than waiting to find out what happens to the house next door (I own part of it), life is reasonably stress free - other than getting the new wankline server online by the 24th of this month.

Although lots of fun, the last few weeks have been hectic, two weekends ago was having brakes sorted out, last weekend had the nitrous fitted, this weekend is Jay's Birthday and having uprated bushes fitted on the suspension. Hopefully next weekend (as in after this one) will be spent doing bugger all except whatever seems like a fun thing to do at the time. Oh yes, and the Toyota garage in Northampton has agreed to put right what it didn't do after it said it would - include coolant / brake fluid change as part of the major service.

Old car sold. I no longer have the Senator - June 23rd

Now I want to find out how much my insurance will go up if I have a nitrous oxide system fitted to the car. It's quite nippy as it is, but I still think it is nice to have a little in reserve to enable rapid overtaking rather than dawdling past someone. I guess however that the insurers will not see this is a safety feature I wish to add. On the subject of such things, why does the highway code still drone on about stopping distances which apply to cars about 25 years old? I have driven cars which were fully legal but had dismal brakes - and indeed took the sort of stopping distances the highway code mentions. But that was 20 odd years ago. Modern cars - particularly those that have been designed for performance have superb braking - and road handling.

While I'm on the bandwagon about Governments/laws/regulations and crass stupidity. Why does our government bellyache so much about young people "up to no good"? Young people typically enjoy drinking, driving and smoking - in our Country, you either are a VERY well paid teenager or you do not smoke - or drink - or drive. Either that or you do those things with knocked of cars, imported fags and imported alcohol. If the next mentally challenged Chancellor bangs the price of these things up yet again, there will be a similar increase in crime.

Pointless saying "Ah, but they should be good youths and go without". Life doesn't work like that - not in the real world anyway. You can either have things people can afford - or accept that crime will be involved to get those things to the people who could otherwise not afford them. It ain't rocket science is it?

Really quite shit one way or another - June 18th

Daphne - my next door neighbour had a stroke on Thursday 6th of June - we only found out after we called the police and got them to open the door - she was lying upstairs in a coma. About ten days later she died in Kettering Hospital. Daphne was 72, more outrageous than most teenagers I know, was gentle, kind and utterly loyal to her friends. She could also smoke more joints / bongs and "hot knives" than most people I know. One of life's real characters. suffice to say, Daphne and I - and other neighbours too - had become Daf's replacement family - her own were both few and far between - and with the exception of about three of them - never spoke to her from one decade to the next. To say her death has made this the shittiest month this year is a major understatement. If  I end up reaching Daphne's age and have only half the people she had as true friends, I will die a happy man.

I keep meaning to update these pages more often - as it seems some people actually read them. It may be a few days though before I add another entry - hopefully one that is rather more positive.

Bought a new car - now need to sell the old one May 25th

I like the Senator, good, practical and reasonably powerful, needs a new MOT soon though and needs a fair bit doing to it to get it through, decided it was time for a new car. I am now the owner of an old (H reg) Red Toyota Supra. I was hoping to find a white one (get pulled less by the plod in my experience) and avoids you looking like a boy racer. Only other moan is that the car is an auto and not a manual. You can switch the overdrive thingy in and out and you can also switch from "normal" to "drink petrol very quickly mode" but other than that it's a case of "point and go". One good thing in its favour is the CD autochanger that lives in the boot which means people cannot keep ejecting my CD and poking in theirs. Sorry Jay but there is only so much Eminem I can handle on a wet monday morning.

About to poke the senator up on Ebay to see if I can find someone who wants it for spare bits, very good alloy wheels, engine runs well, new battery and such delights. I can then use the money to go someway to paying for the insurance hike I have just had to fork out and a Thatcham alarm.

New bedroom coming along really well, the custom size bed frame has been made, the speakers for it have been ordered and the mattress has arrived. It's great being able to roll over twice and still not fall off the end! Soon time to start attacking the kitchen and trying to make it safe for human entry without hazmat warning everywhere. New back door needed soon too so the little bit outside the kitchen can be used as a "chill out" area for summer evenings. At the moment it's just a grotty bit of patio leading upto the back garden.

Oops - a bit remiss of me - ages since last update! April 19th

Heaps have been happening recently, I am now officially another year closer to death as of the 11th April. Myself, Jay and Jo (his sister) went out and became seriously wrecked to mark the event, something I do very rarely but when I do, I give it my all. Felt a little fragile the next day, Jay threw up and I think Jo stayed in bed. Good job I work from home really, being the incredibly considerate boss that I am, I promptly gave myself the day off :)

The front garden has been concreted and the white gravel re-laid - hopefully this will stop the weeds competing with the gravel. Now half way through block paving the path. I think I'm putting of the kitchen until I feel strong enough to handle the chaos, mess, dust and other indescribable nasties that accompany ripping things out and trying to fit new things back in.

I am now chatting to Lorraine on a fairly regular basis - which is wonderful, I have finally upgraded to Windows 98  and 2000 (dual boot) instead of a 95/2000 system. that process was far from painless but seems worth it. Fewer crashes than before and only some dramas getting the old programs to work.

The businesses are doing ok, nothing dramatic, but both firms are showing a gentle growth - which is better than a gentle decline.

Rant time: Tesco's value bananas are shite. The last three packs I have bought have all been pulpy and unpleasant.

Work things - good stuff - February 28th

 Our first regional TV "cel adds" go to air on Monday 4th March and the first "full commercials" have been scheduled for around September - when hopefully we can afford it and have some idea as to what the advert will consist of! - February 27th

Many years ago (about 18), I met someone called Lorraine, we dated for a while and eventually I went to work in High Wycombe. I also became increasingly aware that my sexuality was not compatible with a straight relationship, and made a horrible job (not deliberately) of ending our relationship, partly because back then I did not have the courage to tell her face to face what the real problem was. To this day I regret how I handled it, I'm not someone who likes to hurt another, and yet that is what happened.

Anyway, a couple of days ago, I received an e-mail from someone by the name of Toni (friend of Lorraine) who gave me her e-mail address - and a request that I should drop her a line - which I did.

I have just heard from her, absolutely wonderful. She is now a mum of 2, works with her husband and, from the sound of things, really enjoys her life. What made it even better was that despite me behaving like a total arse when I was younger, she has fond memories of the times we shared together. That means quite a lot to me.

I could never have a straight relationship now, it wouldn't work for me, but hearing about her, and how she is doing has really made my week. And yes, there is a tinge of sadness that I couldn't turn back the clock and have handled things so differently - at least been more of a man when it came to ending the relationship. She seems to have forgiven me though.

A lovely person, and absolutely brilliant that she chose to get in touch.

Cretins 1 - Sentient People 0 - February 27th

I am involved in a project which unashamedly issues condoms to people under the age of consent, the reason is very simple. They are having sex and wish to protect themselves from sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. I am not even vaguely interested in judging them or telling them "don't". They will! So, having accepted that, the idea is to do something constructive about it.

Everything has been going well, in fact some of the young people have also mentioned that it is only after hearing about the service from friends that they thought they ought to find a few facts out - rather than rely on luck / withdrawal. So far so good.

However, a fly in the ointment comes along as the building we use has some committee or other that decides what the building can be used for. Apparently we are being asked to leave as some of the committee were horrified that we are giving out condoms and offering pregnancy test - apparently we are encouraging underage sex. No, you will not get a prize for correctly identifying that the rector and his wife are involved.

To say that providing people who are having sex with condoms is "promoting under age sex" is as meaningful and valid as telling Elastoplast that they are promoting accidents and cuts.

Do some people who work for the church have to have enforced lobotomies - or are they selected especially because they are naive, stupid and endangering the health of others because they cannot see the "bigger picture"?

I have a faith, I do believe in some form of Higher Being - and I think that whatever entity this Higher Being is, must weep at the stupidity and moralizing that goes on in the name of "God". The denomination seems to make little difference, "Sex outside of marriage is naughty so don't offer any health care that might make it safer" seems to summarize the religious attitude.

I think God would have more of a strop thinking that our young people are still being encouraged (by default) to breed like rabbits when there are effective solutions in place. Sure he said go forth and multiply, but then there weren't billions of people overcrowding the World. Maybe God thought it would be obvious enough for us to work out that there comes a point when we should say "Heh, enough already, let's stick a condom on".

The fact that these kids (many of them around 15) will now go back to having unsafe sex is presumably preferable to actually "DOING" something constructive about it - other than moralizing and saying the answer is for them to refrain from sex. What planet are these people on?

Religion is good for fueling wars, controlling the masses and ensuring that sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies will continue adding to the general misery of those whose lives it affects. (But's it's ok because the man who likes to wear a black frock said so)

The more I see fools in religion misleading and betraying "their flock", the more I can understand why thankfully, people are increasingly turning their backs on conventional religion - of almost all denominations.

Rant over :)

Shag me, we're on a roll! - February 23rd

I am now able to properly update my personal pages without having to do more tricks than a conjuring hooker. At this rate it'll start snowing soon - I like snow, bit pissed off that we haven't had much again this year - in Wellingborough at any rate. Perhaps the snow just avoids the place, sounds like a fair plan to me :) Anyway, as a result of the last couple of days, I am now on a little natural high - and very nice it is too. Anyway, conscious of the fact that I am now rambling, I'll shut up and upload the site again.

At last!! Modem access for Northamptonshire - February 22nd

For ages now, Lineisp has been unable to provide good service to people in Northamptonshire due to a fault with an NTL / C&W switch. The problem has gone, service is running very nicely and as a result, we are now about to produce our first TV advert. Nothing to dramatic yet, just a little something on Northants TV (our local Station). Lineisp changed very recently, it used to be owned by another company - and now it isn't! So I have a little bit more say in what it does and doesn't do. It doesn't generate any money yet - which might be a problem if the adverts don't perform, but here's hoping that if nothing else, it will save a few people from the clutches of AO£. Quite exciting really, ok, no money in it, but for me business has never really been about that - which is probably why my kitchen is a bit worse than the average bomb site, the en-suite remains a small building site and generally speaking, I ought to try and raise a few bob to do something about it. Who knows what will happen next. Perhaps loads of people will join Lineisp and I can have a new kitchen, hurrah!

What about you? Do you currently get a better deal than Lineisp offers? If so, bugger ya - if not, be a poppet and do us both a favour :)  Lineisp

New theory - February 21st

Quite possibly I have finally lost the plot altogether but I have been giving serious thoughts to the way that owners of different pets express their feelings toward other people who are close to them. If you are severely bored, you can read my thoughts here.

Other than that, work continues on various fronts, I am playing around with some more gadgets to automate the house - and generally, life continues at No.5. I am thinking of leaving the organization I do counselling for - as there is a notable absence of clients. Couple that with not being given an expenses claim form for several months and then being given one which states that no backdated claims will be accepted and I think it is high time to move on!

Looking forward to meeting a friend in the next few days who I have known for many months - but not actually met yet. Can't really go into the details but it is going to be brilliant to meet him for the first time. Telephone calls and e-mails are all well and good, but sometimes, you need to meet someone face to face I reckon.

Had a bit of a giggle with Viz who (in issue 112) featured a spoof advert for a "Umex 3000 Drildo" and then completed the spoof advert with an invitation to visit the web site at for more info. I checked and found the domain name had not been registered - and promptly did so. You would be surprised at how many people have visited that page since it has been set up - and a few of them (bless 'em) have gone on to join up for a free Internet account! :)

Sad update, I forgot to keep track of the expiry date of the domain name, so fannyhammers is back on the market guys!!

Hopefully these pages will be updated a little more frequently soon, but workloads, coupled with a quirk on the server has meant it has been difficult for me to upload any updates to these pages - bit of a piss take really when everyone else's account is working properly and it's my system that they're on! Hmmmm!

So How are things at No.5? - January 6th

It is 16:50, I have missed Tesco's as they shut at 16:00 on Sundays and I am now wondering what to burn in the oven for later. All the ceramic stuff for the en-suite has arrived except the traps and metal fittingy bits. The lady from Homebase must be making a fantastic sale, it has taken here three and a half days so far to "call me as soon as she is finished with a customer". New cameras arrived, one worked, two dead. New ones should arrive tomorrow morning. Time to upgrade the external CCTV again, these cameras should hopefully deliver a much sharper picture in piss-poor lighting while still allowing us to oggle in colour. Hurrah. I'm trying to think of something pervy and fun to do with one or two of the old ones. Not sensitive enough to attach to an endoscope unless you pop a bulb inside someone too - a white LED might be enough though.....

Enough of such depravity - unless you wish for more. I am trying to work out how to synchronize two VCR's together - or accept lower quality and have two images recorded on one VCR. Nothing to do with security, more a novel leisure application but as always, the things I want to experiment with are not readily available so I have to improvise. If anyone reading this has any idea how I can record from two cameras at the same time (and play them back at the same time) without loosing perfect sync, please let me know. And yes, I know it can be done in black and white (3 images in fact), but I am trying to play with colour now.

As always, friendships are a key point in my life and I am still trying to work out how to handle two of them - one mentioned previously and the other, more recently who shat on me - but seems to think he has behaved in a fair way. Very difficult, in 36 years of life, I have accumulate a number of friends of MANY years standing and I work hard at keeping my friends. There comes a point though when I guess you have to accept that things have "moved on". I think the one mentioned previously can be salvaged - with time and effort on both people's part, the other I'm rather less sure about. Not a nice dilemma to be in.  F***ing horrible as a point of fact.

On a lighter note, other friends have been fantastic - as always - and have been really supportive.

Well, I'm going to have a little wander about the Net, burn some food in the oven and then see if there is anything stunning to watch on TV, if not, I may do some more work to the house. I still have around a hundred wires than need connecting in the control room, the carpets need "hoovering" and I really ought to contemplate tidying the music room before it looks like a doss-hole.  (Sounds like an operating system feature doesn't it).

By the way, although you are welcome to read this drivel, it really is more of a "diary I cannot easily lose" than something I expect anyone else to find even vaguely interesting - though if you do know how to sync a couple of VCR's please let me know!

Changes - but for the better? - December probably, forgot to put the date on.

Odd sort of fortnight really. It has seen me experience all sorts of emotions; sadness, happiness, guilt, concern and a few others thrown in for good measure. Things have moved on again - though not in a totally bad way, just very painful at the time. The good bits are that Jay is now working hard on the house and as such, things are coming along in leaps and bounds. Outside lights, strobes, alarm units and CCTV has now been upgraded, in addition to all of this, the new en-suite is beginning to become a reality after I found a range I liked that had a bidet. Just need to sort out the shower system now. I'm trying to get a three head design, a "head" outlet and two body sprayers - for whooshing up your hoop etc - if I may put it so bluntly.

Just finished installing the latest telephone extension to the house (Ext: 231) which now means if we are working in the loft, we can still make / receive calls. Next extension (ext: 226) is for the upstairs loo. I know it may seem crass but unless I take a cordless in, I can neither answer the door (888) or take calls. Being someone who does not choose to rush such personal activities, a telephone seems in order. Also, if I use a handsfree phone, it makes showering possible at the same time.

Monty Python is on this evening which has also lifted my spirits somewhat. Easily pleased you see. :)

Other than that, just trying to work out what to do with the kitchen. It's a shade on the pokey side with no less than four doors. I can ditch one of them (backdoor is being re-located) but I am still left with a micro tri-portal room. I think very light surfaces, masses of lighting (hidden fluro tubes under the wall units for bright lighting and oodles of halogens because they look right) should make a difference.

Where have I been? - 16th November

Over two months since I last updated this page, has nothing been happening then? I wish.
No, it has been an "iffy" month with lots of less than good things happening - but a few good things too. Which Way? in Rushden has closed (I used to do my counselling outreach work from there) but in it's place I am now registered with a more local agency. I passed my latest "real-play" session and so I am back to counselling again.

Windows, Tesco's Mouldy Chicken and Butterscotch Tart - 07th September

The windows are coming along nicely, almost all the internal "making good" is finished and we will soon be read to decorate the room - the first time since I moved here, the room will be clean, smart and freshly decorated. I think I have finally secure a school recipe for butterscotch tart - an amazing and dangerously moorish dessert, it always irritates the crap out of me that shops and stores never have quite got around to producing it in convenient "freezer-2-oven" packages.

On the subject of food, on the 5th I bought a pack of chicken lumps from Tesco's, reduced to 50p for a quick sale as they were on their last "sell by" date. I opened the packet when I got home and the stench was overwhelming. This is the second time I have bough manky food from Tesco's in the last month. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with their chillers / fridges but some of their food is unfit for consumption. As I do not wish to retain the decaying meat for a few days before I next go shopping, I also forgo being reimbursed. Bit of a pisser really, almost as bad as Kwiksave.

Faux Pas Man comes to town - 06th September

After a local social gathering nearby, I invited a close friend and someone else I have been talking to of late back to the house for a chat and a drink. As it happened, the "someone else" had been talking to me a few days previously about the other person present. The conversation basically had a duration of around 3 minutes and consisted of me listening to him make a few comments about "lack of diplomacy and 'putting both feet in'" and I acknowledged that sometimes the person was misunderstood. Tonight however, this is related back to the close friend and put in such a manner that it appears I was "talking behind his back". When you realize that Mr F.P is actually a highly intelligent person, I'm more than a little thrown as to the reason behind this. Acutely embarrassing - and irritating - as there was nothing I could really say to make it obvious that this was a gross distortion of what really occurred. Rather spoiled an otherwise pleasant evening - I think for myself and possibly the other person involved too. It is hard not to smile at the hypocrisy of it all though. As a footnote to this, FP and I have since spoken about the incident and I am happy that this was a genuine balls-up. Still embarassing but as I am happy that the incident was unintentional, I feel much more comfortable about it.

Amanda's TV must have been broken - 05th September

My sister (groggs/nelly/trunky/gravel, aka Amanda Jane Mathers), has announced that she is scheduled to spit out her 5th in the next six or seven months. I'm not sure if she is trying to ensure that mum and dad do not suffer from lack of grandchildren due to me or if the TV was broken and she was bored. Either way, apparently there will soon be another little noise generator in Rutland. Congratulations groggs, now you know why I raised my eyebrows when you said that No.4 was the last :)

Hurrah - I have windows - 25th August

Yep, they arrived yesterday and have quite an interesting "metallic tint" to them for some reason, not quite sure what this is about but they seem to fit the old holes very well so I'm not complaining. Exhaust bit has been replaced but it now seems I am leaking again, though this time, from a different orifice. Apparently my "back box is venting" Having been assured that he was still referring to the car and not making some terrifying and highly personal observation, I find I need to get the back box and middle bits before everything is done.

It's frightening you know, but I have found out that quite a few people actually read my "semi-dailyish" diaritic* wafflings from time to time - I think I have been treating this more of a "diary I cannot loose" than anything else, perhaps this sort of monologue appeals to some folks. Not sure.
(*diaritic as opposed to diuretic, "as of or pertaining to Diaries")

Guitars, Windows Exhaust pipes and Sex Generators - 23rd August

Well the old windows have been removed (not difficult as they had almost dropped out anyway) and the translucent blue glow from the temporary tarpaulins actually look really nice from outside. Almost tempting to have tarpaulins as curtains. Went into Northampton to buy a guitar for a friend today (his Birthday tomorrow), the local Argos did not have the one I wanted, so I picked another and they didn't have that either. Still, at least it gave me a reason to go for a little drive.

Tomorrow I intend to get the car done. There would appear to be a "not-insubstantial" amount of metal missing from an otherwise very useful part of the exhausty thing that goes from the middle bit to the fannimould. As a result I sound like I have just turned blonde, bought an XR3i and had a custom (translation:deliberately ineffective) exhaust fitted. (To compliment the go-faster stripes, the idiotically loud music system and the "obligatory" extra lights). £100 for a couple of pipes seems a bit steep, you can get 202 pot noodles for that if they have a deal on at Tesco's and still have 1p change "f' busfare n t' bag o' chips on t' way 'ome".

I'm trying to write a program to generate naughty stories. Not so much the "plot" but the interesting bits. So far so good and although it isn't finished (by a long way), early tests suggest it can make stories that only need very minor "correction" before they are ready to be used. The difficult part is trying to make sure that as each sentence is constructed (from a file of certain phrases), it manages to "scan" properly. What makes life a little easier is that the stories are gay (so no hassles trying to work out which gender the sentence is being written for).

More tidying up - and new windows due shortly - 22nd August

The new windows arrive for the oriental lounge this Friday (I know that sounds a bit pretentious but that is the theme of the room and it differentiates it from the "normal" lounge and the music lounge). Anyway, the point is that as of this time next week, hopefully the new lounge will have been wallpapered and generally made ready for Daisy to do his magic with the furnishings. I have managed to persuade him to let me poke six little brass eyeball lamps above the louvered doors to point at the fabric ceiling. I think it will look really nice when the ceiling is lit like that - but I guess the real reason is that I have a fetish for lighting. I am planning on placing some small coloured lamps above the ceiling fabric so at night the ceiling can be backlit by gradually changing colours. Should be quite cheap to do but might add a finishing touch to how the room looks at night. Today was a "grotty bit" removal day, filling small cracks, applying finishing touches etc to rooms that have already been completed - but not quite finished. The bathroom will get its little grout touch-up tomorrow too as one or two joins are a little less than ideal. All in all things are moving along quite well.

Rip-Off time - 20th August 2001

Homebase do a bathroom and installation service and I wanted to know how much it would cost to connect a shower mixer valve to three shower heads (yeah I know, but I like water spraying at all angles). After I was told the price for fixing a mixer valve to ONE shower head was £299 + fittings + Vat, I decided I had had enough, this makes fly-by-night plumbers look cheap. They (Homebase) believe this is a "Service at a truly competitive price". My arse it is.

Backgrounds and bits added - 20th August 2001

I'm not one for following the pack but I decided that I ought to make the visual aspect of these pages slightly less boring. Hence a background image or two. Hope you like them - or at least prefer them to the otherwise white pages.

Family Death - 19th August 2001

Still feeling a little frazzled from the previous night's clubbing, I had a telephone call from Mum, a relative has died and my grand parents were extremely upset. When I telephoned them (grand parents) it was difficult to know quite what to say, saying something like "Oh, how dreadful, I know just how you feel" is worse than useless (they already know it's dreaful and I cannot possibly know how they feel), but other than listening to them and their thoughts, it seems difficult to say or do very much. Even though death is certain for all of us (and in this case it was imminent), it is often regarded as a taboo subject - sometimes people will even cross the street to avoid having to speak to you if you are recently bereaved. I guess the only way I know how to handle it, is to listen rather than talk, just doesn't "seem enough" though sometimes. Perhaps thats "rescue mode" trying to come into play?  (As Rita might have suggested!) Rita Costanzo -VERY special personal friend - died at the beginning of this year with brain cancer (her "mushrooms" as she called them), I still miss her terribly - as do many of the other people whose life she affected in such a special way. An amazing woman, saw the positive aspects in everything - even when facing her own death she handled it positively and powerfully. If you never met her or knew her, you missed out. Big time. Not sure why I put all this on here but it can stay put now.

Clubbing - 18th August 2001

I'm not really a "clubby person" but last night Daisy (Steve) and I decided to take a look at the new club in Northampton (whose name eludes me for the moment). We sat on one of the overstuffed leather(ette?) sofas near the entrance and chatted away about everything and nothing, whilst being bathed in a semi-flattering (dim) pink glow from the overhead "Continental Cafe" style globe lights. To cut a long story short, during the course of the evening, this lad (Christopher) decided to abandon his female companion (Works "do" or something) and favour me with his attentions. All very pleasant at the time but I now have a love bite (not impressed) and a face that is still sore from his stubble. Eventually his friend (who looked like she should have been called Helgar or Bromhilder) dragged him away to another club. It was an interesting evening but I do not think I am quite cut out for Nightclub life somehow. I find it difficult to be overtly sexual when there is a non-participating audience watching!

Issues with friends - 18th August 2001

I'm a bit pissed off at the moment (18th August 2001), a close friend of mine from MANY years ago (20+), yesterday used our friendship (again) to ask another friend of mine to score some cannabis for him, despite knowing very well my feelings about it. I have no hang-ups about dope at all but I have major hang-ups about being used as a "contact point" for friends of mine to try and get my other friends to supply them (and risk hassle) because they don't want the risk of approaching dealers themselves.

Really difficult decision to make, he and I were supposed to be meeting this afternoon for a drink and a chat but after this happened I would far rather not see him for a while, possibly quite a long while. Sounds a bit petty I guess but it was the way the thing was done that rankled me. Sort of an amateurish "Can you get me some....Ohhhm errrr" followed by very pointed looks to me, a fake smile, more blustering and fake apologies and an "Err, no it's ok it doesn't matter" which of course made the other person respond with words to the effect of "Oh no, go on, what were you going to ask?" To put it mildly it was acutely embarrassing for me - and irritating for my other friend. Decided to spend the day doing some work instead and then had the idea of going out with another friend to Northampton. Just not sure how to handle the first part of the situation. If the cost of his friendship is to have my other friends used, the price is too high.

Things going on at home - 9th August 2001

Removed kitchen ceiling after a nail - several as a point of fact - went through a lead gas pipe located between the landing and the kitchen. The kitchen looks only slightly worse than a bomb site at present. Unkind people may say "So what's new?" Luckily it is the one ceiling that was about to be replaced anyway. Turned off the gas and when the kitchen is cleaned up a bit, we have to get a Corgi man to come and replace the pipe. Ah well could have been worse.

Jay (very close friend and work mate) - and inserter of the nails - found an empty "Player's Navy Cut" cigarette pack in the kitchen ceiling, in amazingly good condition bearing in mind it looks as though it has been there for about 60 odd years.

Oriental lounge coming along well, Daisy (AKA Steve L, another very close friend with a brain the size of a small planet) is thinking about fittings and furniture - just waiting for the double glazing to be fitted. The room will soon be ready for decoration and for the "cloth ceiling" to be fitted.  When being used as a lounge, the ceiling will appear to be quite low and made of material. If the material curtain is pulled back it reveals fog machines and a good collection of lighting effects - scanners, moons, strobes, UV, 16 laser crabs and various other projectors. If the furniture is then moved into my bedroom, the Oriental lounge quickly becomes a little party room.

My bedroom still has a non functioning en-suite. Wicks DIY places around the country have a macerator (a gadget that allows you to poke a loo anywhere you want and it then chops up the resultant material and pumps along ordinary sized waste pipe (32mm I think) to the soil stack. Wickes have a price on this unit, it says £99.99. When you ask for it at the desk you are told it has been discontinued but an "identical unit in different packaging is now available". The price? £249. Expensive packaging. If you know of anywhere that doesn't charge silly money for a lump of plastic with a pump in it, please contact me here, I'm keen to be able to finish the en-suite off - as at present it's a ghastly mess of building materials. Also need to get some curtains sorted out, difficult getting in / out of bed discreetly at the moment.

Minor ingress of water occurring in the cellar but the "sump pump" system seems to handle everything and the slightly raised floor and carpets are (presently!) bone dry and happy - and as a result, so am I.

I am hoping to get my first dpss laser kits through the post shortly. If I get it right, I have two 200mW+ units in the making, if I get it wrong, I may get around 20mW (or sod-all if I really manage to bugger things up properly). Now trying to locate some decent galvos to turn the lasers into a little light show. I'm just very wary of safety issues though and need to make sure there is some way of cutting off the beam if the galvos stop "galving" - or whatever it is they do. 200mW is quite enough to rob someone of their eyesight if things go wrong - and is even a minor fire risk if the beam lands on a dark piece of cloth / paper for any length of time.

Things going on at work - 8th August 2001

Business seems fine at the moment and the new adverts seem to paying dividends for the premium rate lines, sadly still have problems with modem access to their system and as a result, is not presently a "going concern". My counselling work is "on-hold" at present for the duration of the summer holidays - no clients!

Well, that's about it for now, I just thought I'd have a "recent events" page and now I have. Don't be too surprised if this is not updated on a regular basis, but it will be done from time to time. I will probably leave the original entries here and just add to them as and when I have nothing else to do.

A link here for Tim Steel to help get his page found by Google